My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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