Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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