It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
