I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
