Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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