I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
