Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
