I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
