During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
