I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
