It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
