Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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