dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
