Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
