You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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