By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
