Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
