i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
try to milk me bitch
Randomize