the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
