A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This baby is an asshole
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
