I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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