Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
