one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
