He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
