whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
