I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize