my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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