be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
