I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
