i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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