how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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