You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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