Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
