Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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