I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
