Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
