Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
where are my eyebrows?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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