filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think people are normalizing furries
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize