How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
