She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if only i could text you this smell
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
