This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
