You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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