dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
