she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
