Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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