it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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