I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
