it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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