So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
