we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
