best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
