this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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