i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
