mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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