I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
