His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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