I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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