Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
