I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh god it's open bar.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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