I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
