Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
