Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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