Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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