dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
