we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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