I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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